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Fun Stuff

Lecturer Quotes

Over the years the lecturers here at Warwick have delivered one great lecture after another, sometimes they even find the time to say something funny. WMS presents to you some of the best quotes from our favourite lecturers.

At the bottom of the page you'll find more fun stuff!
Or view this page in alphabetical order.

Got a funny quote? Go to the contact page and let us know!

  • Dave Wood

    • "Can we have some quiet please? I heard someone mention washing machines - that's clearly not maths." - 2003
    • "Top B is more cheese than you can poke a stick at. [writes on board: "do foundations or go to top b"]" - 2004
    • "Let this be a solution to Duffing's equation... Is the floor moving?" [After downing a pint and a shot of tequila in rag week] " - 2004
    • "I don't know why I said that, I was just waffling." - 2005
    • "Are there any Fulham supporters here? If so, leave your library card numbers with me at the end of the lecture, you've just failed the first assessment. [After Fulham beat Watford at football.] " - 2005
    • "Student: "What's that sign before the $ p(t)y $?" Dave Wood: "It's a times sign. It's like a plus sign on its side. It means to multiply."" - 2005
    • "At the end of a mathematical proof, you draw a filled in box, which means end of proof. Or of course you could just write $ W^5 $ [long pause, confused faces]: Which Was What We Wanted. But, err, I would advise not doing that since it's not very formal." - 2004
    • "My rabbits never seemed to reproduce, the only thing they produced was copious amounts of shit." - 2005
    • "We would like to think that if we started off with just a few rabbits in this lecture theatre and gave them lots of food, if we came back in a year's time there would be a lot more rabbits. If you don't understand, ask your mum and dad." - 2005
    • "Is the guy who times how long lecturers take to rub out boards here? ['Yes'] Did you get my time for the really fast board that I did last lecture? ['Yes'] Was it faster than David Mond's fastest? ['Yes'] Mond you suck." - 2005
    • "[Writes equation $ \frac{dN}{dt} = N(a - bP) $ on board]And this equation has a minus $ bNP $ in it. [Pause] That's not supposed to be a political statement. [Another pause] But I would like to minus the BNP. That is supposed to be a political statement." - 2005
    • "[A note is passed forward, addressed to 'Dave Wood, Front of MS02'. A student in the front row delivers it] Dave: What's this? A note for me? Student: Apparently so. Dave: [reads the note] 'I was just wondering, how much wood would a Dave Wood chuck, if a Dave Wood could chuck wood?' [Gives the impression of considering this question deeply.] A lot, I think." - 2005
    • "[In last lecture of the course.] 0.0949 is small, so 0.0949 squared is very small. Maths/Physics people: 0.0949 squared equals zero. [Pauses] I'm gonna miss that." - 2005

  • Richard Lissaman

    • "People complained that I use boards randomly ... I use them in a left to right pattern. It's sort of like reading a book" - 2000
    • "The standard of abuse on the SSLC forms was very low. If you're going to insult me, at least try to be original" - 2000
    • "Up to 5 seconds ago I thought 'absolutely convergent' meant really convergent, but I suppose it's to do with the absolute values isn't it? [Then later:] Can you get any more convergent than that?" - 2003
    • "Now this is not that obvious so you will not see where it comes from. So... I will... uhm... I mean... You know... Just sit back and enjoy the proof! [About to prove that a series converges to log(2).]" - 2004

  • Rudolf Romer

    • "I'm sorry, I'm waving a knife around because I don't have a pointing stick. Am I scaring you?" - 2005
    • "We are no longer in the business of pretending to be Moses" - 2007
    • "If nothing happens, then clearly nothing happens" - 2007

  • Fernando Schwartz

    • "[in Advanced PDEs] We're devoted to the cult of the less-than-or-equal sign. Algebra is about equalities, analysis is about inequalities." -2008

  • Jochen Voss

    • "And we will sum over J from 1 to 15 because 15 is the largest number I know of." - 2005
    • "And now we move on to the next chapter, which is number 9 because it is after 8." - 2005
    • "Am I allowed to shoot people in my class? Though I don't know who it was so I would have to shoot a random student." - 2005
    • "This is the kissing problem, and it involves balls. [Followed half an hour later by...] Of course this is much easier to understand in real life when you have real balls to play with." - 2005
    • "If you ignore for a moment that this doesn't make any sense; you get..." - 2006
    • [After students phone went off] "I wish on the first offence I could drown the phone and on the second offence drown the student, but they tell me it is too harsh" - 2006

Other Bits

A selection of links to other fun bits: